William Holden, 39, has had a dream to write The Great American Novel since he was fifteen, but his previous efforts have failed to find a publisher and he admits they may not have been good enough. Now he claims he is writing what will be the most important work of literature in world history thanks to a magical pen he purchased on Craigslist for $10,000.
“The Craiglist’s ad said the pen had been blessed by aliens,” Holden says. “And anybody who bought and wrote with it would be able to write a high-earning novel that would change the world. Tyrone [the seller] said if I didn’t get a multi-million dollar publishing deal he would refund my ten grand. So I have nothing to lose.”
Holden, who is on public assistance for eye problems, didn’t have the money to purchase the pen until he persuaded his 74-year-old mother (whom he lives with) to sell her paid off home for $90,000.
“She didn’t want to sell at first,” Holden says. “She is a really stubborn person. But I told her the magical pen would make me millions, possibly billions, and I’d be able to buy her a mansion and also a fur coat and diamond earrings and a poodle. She finally said okay. We are now staying at the Sheraton until I get my million dollars.”
Above: The alleged magical pen
The author is very guarded about his project, but agreed to release a single paragraph written by the $10,000 magical pen.
Texas and California declare war on each other. California sending troooooops will conquer Texas. Don’t mess with Texas!! Joey Butt said! Ha-ha-ha. The war won’t last long. We will go McDonald’s after we fight.
Holden expects a major U.S. release by July and a world release in 2016. He says the novel will be 3,800 pages.