I am tired of hearing sex before marriage is sin and always reinforced by people who lack moral values. Yes the bible forbids it and religious leaders frown upon it but how many of them remained virgins before they got married? Premarital sex is solely an individual choice. Believe it or not over 90% of married couples had sex before marriage. Sex is fun and we engage in it borne out of our innate or inherent desires which need fulfilment. This is a longstanding fact which continues to define people’s philosophies or perspective. It’s biological and to suppress your sexual desires for that long before you get married is one hell of a task.
Prospective married men in my community are always encouraged to f**k their girlfriends first before marrying them to test their fertility or otherwise. These men are all affiliated to one religious denomination or the other so what the heck is the hypocrisy all about? I have heard counsellor George Lutterodt a couple of times on TV emphasising this theme from the abyss of his diaphragm. The reality on the ground smacks lines which not parallel to each other.
I vowed to stay ‘pure’ until I was joined in holy matrimony but I finally succumbed to my burning desire which I had no option to fulfil; as human as I’m. I had sex when I was twenty years and if I have the chance to rewind the clock, I’ll do it again. I know few women who remained virgins till they married and I respect that; it’s strictly their decision. Sex before marriage has been a repetitive propaganda echoed from the corridors of curriculum at school, fromMonday to Friday and on Sundays at church we are reminded and reprimanded. Comprehensive sex programs designed to help the youth abstain from sex has been inculcated in us from the beginning. The purpose of this article is not to slam these mechanisms which propagate abstinence or chastity. The underlying point is the manner at which conservative commentators and moralists assert that waiting until marriage is the best choice for everyone, which I believe is absolutely wrong.
Having premarital sex doesn’t make you ‘dirty’ or ‘cheap.’ How on earth does something as pleasurable as sex reduce one to that level, if I may ask? And wait a minute, does waiting until marriage makes sex special or what? I have heard of absurd stories like men buying houses and treasures for their wives after marriage when they discovered they were virgins. Is it not these same men who go preying other innocent girls and banging the living day out of them?
Scriptures like Corinthians 6:9, Galatians 5:19 and Deuteronomy 22:13-28 all condemn sex before marriage. Those who advocate abstinence say contrary to perception that premarital sex bond partners together, sex ushers one to a spiritual alliance with his sexual mate and this has dire consequences. They also argue that having sex before marriage doesn’t guarantee a long term emotional closeness or relational satisfaction or foster compatibility.
This is a belief system that is subscribed by some people because that’s the position of the bible. Let’s be real, just as you scrutinize your partner in the area of ethnicity, religion, financial status etc before you finally agree to spend your entire life with them, it becomes a big deal to put sex in that sphere. Research has shown that a healthy sexual relationship is a catalyst for a successful long term relationship.
Because of this primitive inhibition, people who practice abstinence before marriage hurriedly rush into marriage to have sex which happens to be a bad idea after all. I don’t see why too full grown adults who are in a committed relationship and are fully responsible for their actions cannot indulge in sexual relations. I will kick against those who are immature and more prone to unwanted pregnancies and diseases.
In a nutshell, I’ll say premarital sex and chastity boils down to choices. You have to choose what defines your goals as a person. I’m not advocating multiple sex partners or one stand theology here. If you are truly in a committed relationship and you feel you can handle the aftermath everything related to premarital sex, then my sister, just go ahead.